Barrister by day, Bacardi by night

Do you need to be institutionalized?

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to
time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
Director what the criterion was which defined whether
or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub,
then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the
patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal
person would use the bucket because it's bigger
than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull
the drain plug."

Do you want a room with or without a view?

A message from Holly

Greetings Future Lawyers! My name is Holly White, and I am a 1L in section 1. To cut to the chase, this email is a school wide broadcast about something I know is on all of our minds, and something that is especially close to my heart. Any guesses? Thats right, its the Barrister's Ball. I apologize up front for my candor, and I know the ball is not coming up immediately, but I am never one to leave anything to chance, and the bottom line is, I need a date.

What exactly is a Barrister? (see generally www.dictionary.com where it says a barrister is counsel admitted to plead at the bar and undertake the public trial of causes in an English superior court; compare to a solicitor). That is exactly what I am doing, I am soliciting. Symbolic? Perhaps.

Poignant? Definitely. I know that traditionally men invite women to dances, but in our everly progressive, post-modern society, I think that if a woman wants something, she should go get it.

I am including a picture of myself, and I am sure alot of you will recognize me from school. I tend to hang around the faculty offices, but I am up and down the halls alot.

http://www.geocities.com/holly_white1l/

After looking at my picture I am sure I have some takers immediately, and while my looks are sufficient to base a decision on, I would prefer to have a guy ask me because of who I am. I have a big heart, and an open mind. I love poetry, sappy movies, theater, 4 leaf clovers, massages, and romantic dinners. I also have my wild side though. My parents have a new dodge caravan that they let me take out on the weekends, and me and my crew really dominate the downtown area with it. I like hitting the ball too hard at the miniature golf course, I don't wait 30 minutes after eating to swim, and I am not scared of a little unplanned hand holding. I am looking for a guy who is not scared of a woman like me, but who looks forward to a spring evening of spontaneity. I am going to wear a strapless(calm down guys, I will either wear band-aids or pasties underneath) dress to the dance that will be short, but long enough to cover my slip. Closed toed shoes? You betcha...I didnt watch Mtv's Wade Robson Project for nothing! I mentioned the minivan earlier, and my dad already said I could have it for the dance.

It is an '05 model and it has the leather package, and the dvd player in it, so if the dance is lame we can watch the english patient or something.

I know I sent this email to the entire school, and I have 2 points I would like to make about that.

1. I would be lying if I did not already have a short list of people I would like to go with, and I would feel ashamed if I did not give them all shout outs in this email.

a) to the man that used to write the diary of a first you student who was de-throned in an administrative coupe' d'tat: I like your style, and I like your moves. We need to meet.

b) to the 2L who is drives the maroon durango with the texas a&m sticker on it: Your skater style is appreciated by the ladies

c) to the recently clean shaven 1L who knows how to have fun at sba socials, and really doesnt mind a night in the pokey: you had me at "mortar forker"

d) to the supreme court bound 1L texas longhorn, who is not afraid to put half a can of copenhagen is his mouth during class, and sure is not afraid of some obnoxious eagles fan: keep ME on your short list

e) to the man that drives the hummer, and the man that rides the grey motorcycle with the flame paint job: can we talk about the possibility of you both going with me at once?

2. I know alot of girls got this email, so if you all know anyone that might like to go with me, feel free to pass the word along. I gone to alot of dances alone, and I am not going to let that happen this time. Carpe Diem!

Guys, we are all in this togethers, so feel free to email me back with questions, comments, suggestions or viruses. - Holly

A fairy tale story

[In a tempestuous gust of air, Hurricane Ivan lifted Stephanie from her navy-blue BMW while driving to Fort Worth. Dazed and slightly confused, she woke up in the bizarre world of Wesleya.]

"Oh dear," gasps Ashleigh, the most kind and benevolent witch of all three 1L sections, "it seems that your car quashed the evil witch of the section three."

"Can you help me" I'm lost and I need to get to the Tarrant County Young Lawyers Association (TCYLA) speaker's luncheon. The speaker is talking about referral fees and the impact of Texas Code of Civil Procedure Section 8(a). I hear it's a great idea to start networking to find summer internships."

"Of course," answers Ashleigh with the voice of an angel, "just follow the red brick road to Sundance Square. It's quite a walk so you'll need to make sure you have enough time to make it back before Gillmer's class. Also, beware of the wicked witch of section-one, she?s always up to no good."

Stephanie walks down the red brick road with Dusty, her faithful dog. Out of nowhere jumps Corey, a hippie-looking fellow.

"Stop!" shouts Corey, "I'm Corey the Trivia Master. You've stepped on a yellow brick. That means you must answer my trivial question about world affairs from the past 20 years. What country disapproves of its "FTSE" stock exchange being referred as "footsie"?

"I know it's not Japan," ponders Stephanie, "so I'm sure it's England."

"How did you know? This can't be. No one has ever beaten me," sobs Corey.

"Don't be sad Mr. Corey, I'm going to see the Speaker at TCYLA. He's going to help be get through law school. And there?s lunch served," replies Stephanie.

"Well? I do need a haircut. Do you think the Speaker will help me with that?" wonders Corey now jubilant.

"Sure, come along!" replies Stephanie.

La-de-da, so Stephanie and Corey trots further down the road when they suddenly collide with a tortfeasor recklessly running through.

"I'm Jack the Tortfeasor," he says as words rapidly blur out of his mouth, "I'm sorry to run into you because running into you would be a harmful or offensive contact without your consent. Please don't sue me. You see, I forgot to print my first memo this morning so I uploaded my computer file online folder. But the Word document wouldn't open at the library computers or the computer lab at the other side of the building. I had to run back to my computer back in the classroom and e-mailed the memo to myself. By then, I had two minutes left before class started. And what did you know, the printer couldn't print at the computer lab! Just my luck because the library computers still couldn't download my memo and I didn't know what to do. Finally, my friend Justin fixed the printer and saved my bum. Boy, I sure wished I had more common sense." (He said all this without taking a breath.)

"Well, we're going to see the Speaker at TCYLA. Maybe he'll give you Common Sense," said Stephanie.

"Arff," barked Dusty.

So Jack the Tortfeasor joins the group and they skip merrily down the road.  Along the way, Dan, the most handsome and best-looking guy in all of Wesleya, joins the entourage.

"There you are my little pretties," hissed Erica the wicked witch of section-one, "Why weren't you at the academic support class with your TA today? I know that you were at Trial Court Boot Camp hosted by the Trial Advocacy Lawyers Association. I know that they invited speakers to talk about voir dire, opening statements, and cross examination of expert witnesses, which are all great topics to learn. No matter. After them my flying monkeys!"

"Stand back," says Dan the Stud-like Spud, "I'll take care of the monkeys."

Flashing his bright smile, the beaming radiance of his white teeth blinded the flying monkeys and his broad shoulders scared them away.

"Quick, toss this shot of Tequila at the witch," shouts Jack.

They did and Erica the wicked witch of section-one melted.

"Get a life you section-one groupie," gurgled Erica the wicked witch of section-one, "quit coming to our classes."

"Arff," barked Dusty.

[By the end of their journey, they encountered Nate & Michelle, the PMBR gnomes, Jamie, the fun loving Aggie, and Ben, Jack's evil twin. Those adventures are omitted here. The group finally met with the Speaker of TCYLA at the luncheon and afterwards they went to the Flying Saucer. Stephanie was late for Gillmer's class, Corey got his haircut, Dan continued to be the best-looking 1L, but Jack never got his Common Sense.]