Barrister by day, Bacardi by night

On the umpth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me ...

• 12 (actually 13) International Business Contracts
• 11 Mentors to send christmas cards 
• 10b-5 Rule (on insider trading)
• 9 Thousand Sixhundred Fifty-five Dollars of tuition to pay next semester
• 8 boxes of IKEA furniture
• 7 study buddies
• 6 supplimental books to read
• 5 EXTRA POUNDS
• 4-hour work days (yes, I'm still working)
• 3 hours of sleep
• 2 loads of laundry
• 1 multiple-choice exam

Ah ... 'tis the season.

True meaning of friendship

Are you sick of all those sissy "friendship" poems that
always sound like Hallmark cards, and never come close
to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that
really speak to true friendship:

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot
revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever
is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you've finally had sex.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every
chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories
about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit
whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - stay the hell away from me until
you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy
ass.

This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why, you ask?
Because you are my friend. Send this to 10 of your closest
friends, then get depressed because you can only think of
two, and one of them isn't speaking to you anyway.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good
friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever
need to bring a shovel.

Wisdom of Bodhisattva Short

Should I ever become a law school professor, I'd be weary of how accessible I make myself to law students.  God bless, Professor Short because we've asked him more questions in the last few days via newsgroup postings then we have all semester long.  With less than 9 hours to go, time is of the essence and everything is down to the wire.  Forget taking notes, forget making outlines, just read Short's exam discussion board and you'll probably catch up on everything that you've missed.  However, don't let other disgruntled students get on your nerves, they just don't want to wade through hundreds of "stupid" questions.

THE COMMANDMENTS imparted to us by the Great Short ...

1. First of all, "the great Short" is the preferred title.  Thanks for using it.

2. My teaching has been called many things, but it has never (to my face) been analogized to the dumping of the ice-cold contents of a chamber pot on students, but I guess it was just a matter of time.  The indignities....

3. Q:  Any bonus points for not using extra pages, keeping answers very brief, and otherwise reducing time it takes you to grade exams?
   
   S:  Probably not.  But you will have my unending gratitude, which is worth . . . well . . . not very much, come to think of it.

4. There are lots of pages to your exam.  Currently, there are 59.  Don't freak out.  A lot of those pages are blank, so you can write your short answer answers directly on the exam.  Breathe.  Also, there won't be 2 stapled parts to your exam.  It's all together in one stapled set.

5. Get some sleep tonight.  Pleasant dreams of happy equitable servitudes romping through a jointly held leasehold.  Or something.

Bring an extra set of lungs

Get ready for Kung Fu Hustle and be prepared because IT IS a Stephen Chow film.  You already know that it's a rags-to-riches (or riches-to-rags-back-to-riches) film about yet another guy named "Sing" with untapped potential.  But it's still the funniest reel I've seen to year.  You must admit that it takes a great degree of comedic skill to make an audience laugh at even the most heart-wrenching death scene.  How is it possible that you don't know whether to mourn or laugh?  It's Stephen F-ing Chow.  Many of the scenes are so bizarre and so outrageous that the movie's sheer absurdity becomes brilliant.  This isn't some slapstick trash, like Dumb and Dumber, where gags are laddled onto your lap.  No, Chow's work hits you like a Mac-10 truck from out of nowhere -- often done by first showing someone's facial expression before delievering the punch line.

I never know what to think about the love interest in Chow's films.  Is there a deeper meaning behind the beast-to-beauty motif?  Perhaps Chow's hinting to the inner beauty that's hidden within us.  But there were scenes that almost made be cry.

Over the years, Chow has really developed as an actor, director, producer, and writer.  True, his movies follow the same simplistic (and often cheesy) plot with the same ol' characters (and often actors).  The only difference is the setting.  Chow's been a chef, lawyer, judge, undercover cop, eunch, secret agent, billards player, gambler, and begger.  However, it's a plot that never tires and can always be improved on.  Robert Ebert explains that the reason is because we cease taking pleasure at seeing the unlikely, extraordinary outcomes.  Each film raises the bar with its use of CGI technology that baffles even our sense of realism. 

1. God of Cookery - my first Chow film remains the my personal favorite
2. Kung Fu Hustle
3. Shaolin Soccer
4. Royal Tramp 2
5. Royal Tramp

Think UR UP 2 IP?

Intellectual Property Law generally revolves around patents, trademarks, and copyrights.  IP practice, specifically patent litigation, is one of the highest paid legal professions, often $20K - $30K higher than other practice-specific fields.  For good reason too.  Because patent lawyers need to have a hard science background (e.g. biology, chemistry, physics).  Once more, my mother is right about how worthless my MIS degree really is.  There are strict requirements to register for the Examination for Registration to Practice in Patent Cases Before the United States Patent and Trademark Office, better known as the Patent Bar.  My head spins just counting to see if my undergrad science courses adds up.  See for yourself if you can withstand the Exam Registration Requirements.

And after reviewing law firms from A to Z, it's apparent who everyone's looking for.  You know, students who:

1. Excellent law school performance (Top 10% - 33%)
2. Proven academic achievement as an undergraduate (Top 25%)
3. Law Review and/or Moot Court
4. Strong written & verbal communication skills
5. Qualified to sit for the USPTO exam

So if you're thinking about the Patent Bar, click here to make sure you know what you're in for.

Top 5 Law Movies for Pre-1Ls

After spending a significant portion of my life in front of the tube, I now present the top 5 movies that inspired me to enter law school.

1.  The Paper Chase (1973) - Alright, I never actually saw this movie but I did see the trailer -- and it blew me away.  In fact, I don't even recommend prospective students to see this movie until after your first semester at law school.  I'll concede that the storyline is cheesy and the plot is obscure.  However, the movie's portrayal of every 1L's nightmare, on a pure intimidation factor, is brilliant.  All this from just watching the trailer.

2.  A Few Good Men (1992) - Call me a military buff.  I remember seeing A Few Good Men when I was in middle school and the idea of being a JAG officer was forever ingrained in my dreams.  The combination of two great professions, law and military service, just pulls together the best of both worlds.  What more can you say about the law than the scene where Lt. Kaffee (Tom Cruise) slams his hand on the table and shouts, "I WANT THE TRUTH!"  To which Col. Jessep (Jack Nicholson) responds, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"  Plus, chicks dig uniforms.*

*However the T.V. show JAG is just blasphemous.

3.  The Rainmaker (1997) - Ah, the story of an ambulance chaser who ascended to become the society's hero against the plights of corporate injustice.  John Edwards?  No, just Rudy Baylor (Matt Damon).  The movie reflects every law student's ambition to fight for the little people.  Sadly, $100,000 of student debt pushes most of us, including me, towards the dark side.  Somebody has got to be the villain.

4.  Jerry McGuire (1996) - "Show me the money!  Show me the money!"  At last, a movie that gets to the heart of the law.  It's all about the bling.  But the movie also has a more prominent underlying message about the client-attorney relationship.  When the client wins, the attorney wins -- and vice versa.  I've given some thought about becoming a sports agent or representing actors, but I've neither the charisma nor the enthusiasm for such a melodramatic field.

5.  My Cousin Vinny (1992) - For the most part, I could care less about the lawyer aspect of this movie, instead I recommend fast forwarding to the scenes with Judge Chamberlain Haller (Fred Gwynne, most notable for his characterization of Herman Munster).  Here we have a Yale Law School graduate serving as a county judge in Alabama.  He's not a very patient man but he is understanding.  His mere presence is a symbol of integrity, with a side of humor.  One memorable quote from Judge Haller, "It appears to me that you want to skip the arraignment process, go directly to trial, skip that, and get a dismissal. Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process just because you find yourself in the unique position of defending clients who say they didn't do it."

6.  Legally Blonde (2001) - I included this movie out of spite against the Elle Woodss (Reese Witherspoon) at law school.  I may be no better than the Warner Huntington IIIs (Matthew Davis) but I have yet to see a dolled-up sorority ditz stand-up and deliver in class.  Maybe they'll magically blossom into stellar attorneys, but until then, these are the girls that you tear up in court room.  At least they can still be transaction lawyers, paralegals, or receptionists.

For a listing of law-related movies, click here.

9 Things instead of writing

(9) Criticize "Law & Order" -- because not even a correspondence-level lawyer would allow his multi-million dollar client to plead guilty to criminal negligence.

(8) Put off my Declaration of Intent -- um ... I'll just wait until my third year.

(7) Have an off week -- sometimes I just don't feel like reading, participating in class discussions, or shaving.

(6) Bash my head against the bluebook -- life can do without worrying about every single space, period, comma, parenthesis, and semicolon. Since when was I an English major?

(5) Ponder about statistical anomalies -- how is it mathematically probable that a randomly generated "hot list" would include the same students on the same week in all four classes without the professors collaborating names.

(4) Pick up chicks -- so pouring rain caused much traffic and delay Monday. To much chagrin, the train left some students stranded at Union Station. Since the remaining westbound trains stopped halfway at Centerport DFW, I rendezvoused with them at my train stop, Medical Market Center, where we then sped off in my car to school. We were fortunate to be only 15-minutes late and accident-free.

(3) Write about other things -- like scholarship essays, newsletter articles, Civ Pro message board about satirical judges, and this fantastic journal entry.

(2) Go to the Dallas Desperados Dancer tryouts -- it's not everyday a law school classmate is a Triple-D finalist. There were enough hair flips to make me dizzy. (Don't worry Sara, you were still great!)

(1) Sleep -- I'm not planning on any this weekend.